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Re: Approach to Salsa...
Posted By: Spike 16/05/08 17:37 Source ID: 4a190a34-8970054d
In Reply To: Approach to Salsa... Chris H 15/05/08 23:21
 | I'm believe someone may be telling fibs about my character and people may be forming misguided opinions about mebut – I'm having a particularly bad time of things in Salsa at the moment... In recent weeks since just before March something odd has been going on - and I'm losing will to Salsa. In April (OK maybe not April) I ask a girl to dance - who seemed to enjoy dancing many times before, I was having fun - I thought she was too... a bit of free styling, parading, tango all built into the Salsa... She said she was too tired, promptly giggled, covered her mouth with her hands and turned away her head (usually concealment... ). 30-60 seconds later all the partners are taken and she's heading out to the dance floor with someone else. I asked if she would mind trying to feel the lead – look down a little less (as politely and delicately as I could). She did, but I wasn't very successful at leading her – she obviously wasn't feeling it yet (time probably would have helped). About 30 seconds after starting to try, her friend appeared next to her – talked to her in a foreign language (I don't speak more than some French and a little German and Spanish – none of those)... without so much as a word she stepped back turned walked a few paces and began a conversation with her friend in the middle of the dance. I'm left thinking... so are we finished, do I wait.... so I walked to her after about half a minute and asked her if she wanted to continue – to which she said I'm talking to my friend now, no thanks. So it appears I'm now just amusing until something better comes along. I found that rude, and I wonder exactly what was said! I don't think I'm a bad person, I would be grateful if other people didn't leave me with the impression I was. |  |
Ok Chris .. don't want to sound harsh, but learn to summarise. What seems to be troubling you is hidden away in alot of ramble so if I am right no one has picked up on what seems to be your key concern. What seems important is what I have quoted above.
If I'm right, you think people are avoiding dancing with you for a reason. You indicated you've been dancing since 2002 and then very recently things have suddenly changed.
First thing you have to decide is if that is reality or just perception. Be honest with yourself, has something happened in your non salsa-life such as job loss, a bereavement etc. which has made your perception change and mean you have suddenly become more sensitive to rejection.
If that isn't the case and you are sure this change is real, then you have to find out what the cause is. You must find out WHY before you can do something about it.
It could be anything:-
1) Maybe you've suddenly developed bad breath or B.O.
2) Maybe you unknowingly spent the whole night dancing with your flies unzipped
3) Maybe someone is spreading a rumour about you
4) Maybe you have been confused with someone else who has a negative reputation about them
5) Maybe you were dancing with someone very close and got overly aroused and made them feel uncomfortable and they told a friend who told a friend etc.
6) Maybe you've recently added a move to your dancing which is causing pain or making your partners uncomfortable
I don't know .. you need to find out. Don't assume, get the truth from someone. A few ways.
1) Be bold just ask a lady directly
2) Over the years hopefully you have a few salsa buddies, maybe they know but feel uncomfortable telling you
3) If your Salsa buddy doesn't know, get them to subtlely ask around. If someone rejects you get your buddy to go over and strike up a conversation with them or ask them to dance so they can find out.
4) Ask the salsa promoter, he won't want to lose you as a customer, be honest with him about your concerns. The promoter may already know or if not he will be able to ask around and find out.
When you find out, don't be overly defensive, take in the feedback and seek a solution.
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On the subject of making suggestions to your partner. I imagine you've always done this and it isn't the cause of your sudden change in fortunes. However:-
1) Don't tell your partner how to dance unless she asks for your feedback
2) The teacher is the one who should have the expertise to show her correctly and can communicate it palitably
3) Most People know they are far from perfect dancers but in the free style dancing portion of the night they don't want to be constantly reminded of it
4) Your advice could well contradict someone else's and/or simply be wrong
